Right so where HAS all my shit gone and why haven't I posted anything for weeks and weeks? Well my lovlies ~ in short it was all gettin much here so I split it all up to three sites - then i neglected ol sink the rock because of having two new sites to play with - which are:

The Crescent - has moved to http://www.CelebrityGossipPodcast.com so it has it's own proper site and isn't getting in the way of my other bullshit and making me look bad when the 6 latest posts are not from my blog. Also I hilariously lost almost all of our four thousand subscribers by moving teh feed address - lucky for us we couldn't give a shit and we just pretend we still have loads of subscribers so our vanity does not suffer and we can keep showing off like nobodies business...

Dear Janit - Janit now has her own site as well where I am rewriting the letters one by one so they don't have spelling mistakes and the grammar is ever so slightly a little bit less wrong. Every letter is illustrated by my sister now as well so it actually looks liek a proper blog - MEOW

Sink the Rock - remains the worst blog ever with no clear direction or coherent focus, low readership, questionable taste and less than frequent updates.

Thank you for your fucking time x x

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Wicker went to a gig and saw real life famous people and cant stop going on about it so this episode is a little bit longer than we had intended > in celeb werld > WAGS in World of Warcraft BATTLE > Victoria Beckham having fourth boob implanted > Amy Wineclaart diet SECRRITS > Colleen's 'mazin jewelery at Argos > Banged up over a biscuit and a tart > my thong split my bum > EYEBALLING spirits is the latest party craze > EWAG - explained > SO many brilliant sex problems and advice I can't even begin to tell you about it.

Wicker wears animal hood thing by Stephanie Taskforce

Playing out with Pavement - 'Two States'.

...Did you know that Billy Ocean is not American and is called Billy Ocean because he grew up on the Ocean estate in Stepney? - I did't until about half eleven last night.

AND > please remember the game that no one will play is - when you see a famous: tweet it and tag it with #icfp (I see famous people) so I can find it and read it out ...

Contact the show? - barely anyone does so if you do you are bound to be on it > message us up to be on next week > Myspace / Facebook / Twitter: @chimpdonk / @wickerwoo

The Crescent - www.CelebrityGossipPodcast.com

Dear Janit,

It has been so long since my last correspondence and I only wish this letter could be more a discourse of praise but there follows an issue which simply must be addressed. While I can accept your attitude is almost certainly a response to my recent trips away from home there is now a line in the sand, the crossing of which will not be tolerated.

In these occasional instances of my absence I am prepared to accept being sulked at, ignored and treated with disdain for a day or so upon my return. What i refuse to condone is any sort of misbehavior during my absence. In particular the practice of any toiletry anywhere other than the normal designated areas. I thank the Lord that you didn't return to full dirty protest but still, spending half a penny around and about the place is not an intelligent way to register umbrage or anywhere near approaching a dignified way for a lady to behave.

And, for pity's sake, Wicker's Mother came to stay and was forced to bear witness to the whole sordid episode.

To be perfectly frank, you've let me down, you've let Wicker down and you've let yourself down.

Having said that, I am pleased that your apethetic treatment of me only lasted a few hours and I hope that now we can put this sorry affair behind us.

Kindest Regards

love from

Crispin

Well whaddaya know? Two Egg related chats today - one with Annabel one with Erica -both about eggs.

First one is about how to perfectly poach an egg after Annabel showin off like nobody's business on twitter a couple days back > http://twitpic.com/11y5hl

Crispin: hey egg witch
tell me your secrets
i want to poach an egg

Annabel: k
but i might have to kill you after

Crispin:  ok deal

Annabel: poached egg last supper - woot

Crispin: lol

Annabel: k so it's get the water boiling to a 'rolling boil'
i know the technical terms and everything

Crispin: this bread is my body and this wine is my blood
~ hey JC what's teh egg?
umm

Annabel: hahaha

Crispin: that's my umm\
the egg is, like... my dog?

 - ok right rolling boil
i am there

Annabel: add vinegar

Crispin: zomg
how much

Annabel: errr
like enough
jeez you measurements

Crispin: ok tell me in blubs

Annabel: there's a 'want' missing in that line somewhere
a 'glug'
how's that

Crispin: ok a glug yep

Annabel: break egg into a cup

Crispin: i hve the purfect one
it is a pink barbie one

Annabel: i've heard that poached eggs excel in barbie cups
oooh you need a stopwatchy thing

Crispin: ok i got my phone

Annabel: this is the science
ok so all in go - you want to swirly swirly the water
drop egg in and carry on swirly swirlying all at same time
and leave it for 2mins precisely

Crispin: ok safe here i go

one more thing
clockwise / anti cockwise

Annabel: lolz
hang on i have to air swirly
hmm i go anti

Crispin: aces

- - - - 

Crispin: that's amazin

http://img390.yfrog.com/i/n04q.jpg/

so i think i might put this on me blog
you are going to have to kill me anyway
sheep as a lamb and all that

>>>> moments later~ more egg related IM chat...

Erica: last night i was having a dream and then in my dream suddenly i was frying an egg but then i felt sick and woke up
IRL pete had done a really smelly guff
so bad it woke me up

Crispin: lol

web player > www.CelebrityGossipPodcast.com

Wicker is going to HELL > I am not bcs I am just a hitch hiker > Angelina with some new old hat *SIGH* > Corpse Bride from girls aloud dressed up like TwoFace from Batman > Posh is having her feet cut off > Brad's fat brother > Cheryl Cole is scared of Psychics > 3 seats on the plane but that means 3 dinners NOM NOM and thrice NOM > some attention hungry people on the problem pages > a DYNAMITE SEX TIP > AND > SOME PEOPLE sent me messages on twitter WOW @chimpdonk.

Playing out with 'Stage Shoes' by Fever Fever. If you are quick you can catch them playing in Brixton tonight TheRestIsNoise 442 Brixton Road London SW9 8EJ > http://music.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=music.showDetails&friendid...

We cant go though because THAT is south of the river ~ and we are going to BRAIN DRAIN at the Old Blue Last > Blue On Blue (live) / Dignan Porch (live) - FREE ENTRY!!

TEA Mr.Shifter? light refreshment?

Contact the show? - barely anyone does so if you do you are bound to be on it > tag tweets with #celebz / message @wickerwoo @chimpdonk or drop us a comment on MySpace OR email us > wicker@sinktherock.org or crispin@sinktherock.org

The Crescent - www.CelebrityGossipPodcast.com

I am posting this chat with my sister for posterity mostly but you are welcome to read it if you like.

To put it in context later this year we are going away for a holiday at some yurts in wales where they farm alpacas (Adam is organising it) > AND > wtf is a labradoodle? > AND > me and erica used to work in a cafe on Church Street called 'The Cooler' - it was very Stoke Newington - soya milk lattes in the 90s, gluten free stuff (a good 5 years before all the people in North London suddenly realised they were DEFINITELY allergic to bread), responsibly reared meat before Hugh Fearnley Whittingstall had even killed his first pig and organic cucumbers for two fifty before Wet and Wild opened up down the road and just did all that shit better....

erica: i had mental dreram after adam sent the yurts email
i dreamt i had impulsively bought an alpacca
it was really naughty and annoying and i was really embaressed that i had purchased something so irresponssible and stuuupid
so embarrassed that i kept telly everone it was a labradoodle

crispin: did they beliieve you?

erica: yeah think so

crispin: your dream freinds are WELL stupid

erica: you should know
YOU WERE ONE OF THEM

crispin: FUCK
i cant be held responsible for your subconscious deflating of my brilliant mind
I know the difference:

a labradoodle is labradoodally recognised while an alpaca is alpakkaly different

erica: LOL
it was a very small alpacca
and mostly fur
so you shouldn't be too ashamed and so defensive

crispin: whatevs
can dogs spit?

erica: yes
but only down
slowly

crispin: bob carolgees dog doesn't count
PUPPET NOT REAL

erica: i had to google image that

crispin: oh really?
don't you remember when we worked in the cooler
where was the poster for someones amazin meditaion class or something
we changed his name to bob carolgees

erica: did we? - we were horrid
much worse than fresh and wild staff

crispin: because well he looked EXACTLY like bob carolgees
EXACTLY
(had a similar mustache)

erica: lol - well imagine the reiki hawking lactose intolerant prick deserved to be ridiculed

crispin: YEH the cunt

erica: we were deffo nice to some customers
even esp nice to some...just to make the ones we were mean to realise that we hated them

crispin: our mates

erica: ...i was nice to erm...mr machiatto
and...cappucino croisant lesbian
and ....
that might have been it

crispin: i think it was

erica: I hated... chevre bouche salad man, croissant with lots of butter estate agent bitch, the most and hated serving the clepto mum erghghghghgh and the 'do you want to see my jewells' lady

crispin: we were kind of nice to 2 cappuccinos, almond croissant and a cinnamon swirl couple

erica: ohhh yeah - and their live at home son

crispin: omg jewels lady
"do i look nice today?"

erica: no
you look mental go away

crispin: lol
once amanda tried to throw her off by telling her she looked nice before she could ask
she said

i smell a bit though I haven't had a wash for days

erica: that time she made vanessa hold her rings and then said ' i just been for a smeer test' lolololol vanessa almost did a sick

crispin: oh YEAH LOL

erica: hahahaahaaa
we are mean - she was actually mental
not a cock like the rest of em

crispin: we wernt mean

erica: true - well not to their faces

crispin: jewels lady wouldn't have known if we were
she was too busy fretting about her care worker and landlord who were "shooting me all full of heroin and having sex with me"
heroin/ insulin

erica: with the amount of cake she ate she deffo had diabetes
though the pills she got out on the bus and was showing the lady in front of me were 'to stop her friend comming back'
'because they made her do bad things'

crispin: Hoot <3s mental poeoples

Play > The Crescent - Episode 40 (mp3)

Download > The Crescent - Episode 40 (m4a)

Merry Crispmas my gossip loving lovelies x > here is what happened - we goto back from teh pub and then tried to do our podcast drunk as hell - I think we pulled it off but I can't really remember what we talked about - we forgot about Brittany Murphy but we remembered Pete Docherty - I think we shouted alot and wished you all a merry Crispmas especially to our new SHOWBIZ buddies AC the stylist and Carlos.

PLaying out with the skills of Halston - I'm down with Christmas 

Contact the show? - no one does so if you do you are bound to be on it > tag tweets with #celebz or email us > wicker@sinktherock.org or crispin@sinktherock.org

twas the night before Crispmas and all through the house

Wicker and Crispin were shouting their pissed up heads off

Weekly celebrity gossip podcast - The Crescent

Mark: wotcha

Crispin: hello duck

Mark:yo yo yo
wotcha up to?
anything new media tastic?

Crispin: oh you know
actually i am on the smeg dishwasher forum lol
trying to fix our dishwasher

Mark: hahahahahahah
i love you for admitting taht

Crispin: welcom to my amazing life

Mark: so amazing

Crispin: this is my fave bit of advixce so far:
open the door, switch it off, switch it on and immediately press the program button 4 times within 3 seconds.
wtf

Mark: does that give you unlimited ammo?

Crispin: properlol

Mark: or warp to the final level?

Crispin: ha

Mark: do you own it?

Crispin: nope

Mark: take a screwdriver to it and then call the landlord
he can get a cheap one in the sales

Crispin: yeh i tried that
she sent round 'tommy the sparky'
he said to be honest mate all i can do is confirm that it's recieving power
and it is
because this red light is flashin
cheers tommy
he is getting us a new hob in time for crispmas tho

Mark: bless
i do like your flat

Crispin: atm we have 2 settings
slighty warmer than the landlord's cold black heart
and
hotter and hotter and hotter

Mark: hah
do you want to see a really gay photo of me?

Crispin: one for grinder?

Mark: hah, no
from the office party

Crispin: yeh hit me

Mark: ok, but you can't send this on or ever use it against me
<<<LINK REMOVED>>>

Crispin: HAHAHAHAHAHA

Mark: super agy
gay
and showing off my gut

Crispin: you are so hot right now

Mark: hahaha
working that look

Crispin: i just tried the mystic smeg dishwasher lore
didn't work

Mark: quick, add that one to wikipedia
like th elie that otis lifts have a secret button combo to express your way past other floors without stopping

Crispin: lol yeh thanks for the tip dave

Mark: Lies, all lies!

I go to yoga.

I loves it.

I go to yoga wearing a t shirt that says get bent or Ten Benson on it.

I listen to really heavy metal on the way there and back.

This is how worlds collide.

Pete says it's good because it is an hour and a half of enforced stretching and people really should be able to touch their toes.

Once someone actually farted but luckily Pete wasn't at that class so i just about contained myself to a massive grin and occasional sniggers instead of an out and out MEGALOL.

The thing that does my head in though - is the bit at the end where you have to do some relaxing > it's called Savasana - 'corpse pose' or more accurately - 'nap time'. You are suppoed to go super relaxed and feel your breath and not think about anyting - not think about anything? has she even SEEN Ghostbusters? wtf - Then the worst part is when she says you have to surrender your body to the mat - then I'm gone > all I can think about then is that dick who went to live with bears in Canada and they ate him. This is because he filmed it all on his camcorder so there is a video of him being et up by a fucking bear, video evidence of him at the point where human beings accept death and surrender themselves, a video of him totally calm being munched up by a bear while his bird runs around screaming throwing frying pans and shit at it. And this is what i think about when i am not supposed to be thinking about stuff during Savasana - that and Ghostbusters.

this is not a video of the man being eaten by the bear - it is a video of how to do nap time > it is not just lying down OK?

I go to yoga in Stoke Newington - famous for rich pretend hippies with idiot hobbies like yoghurt weaving - My sister also lives in Stoke Newington and she has a wheat allergy - a real one, she didn't contract it from living in stoke Newington too long or going to Fresh and Wild too often - she is allergic in real life, it means she has a genuine physical allergic reaction to wheat - not that 'it makes her feel a bit bloated' - I would like to make that perfectly clear before I share this messenger conversation with you:

Crispin: OK I will come round yours after I been to yogabobs
Erica: can you bring gluten free plain flour if you have any
f&W had sold out
Crispin: ok
Crispin: ohoho lol i have to take it to yoga
might make a big fuss so everyone can see what it is
Erica: yep - they will think you are showing off lol
Crispin: OH I'LL JUST POP MY GLUTEN FREE FLOUR OVER HERE
Erica: haha
Crispin: NOW WHERE IS MY TRAIL MIX?
I PREFER IT TO REAL SWEETS YOU KNOW
SO DO MY KIDS
Erica: earth and twig
Crispin: L
O
L
...they are very advanced you know
probably because i don't have a telly
THAT'S RIGHT
NO TELLY

------------------------------------------

A friend of mine said recently that yoga classes were supposed to be good places to find potential boyfriends - I said well I guess I just pissed all over that theory...

...well happy birthday to me really - seeing as it is MY birthday not Sink the Rock's birthday.

I love birthdays don't you? I think I prefer them when they are not mine though - I'm not being a misery > promise. In fact thinking about it my absolute favourite bit of birthdays is when your colleague knows that you absolutely fucking love it when all the people who sit near you in the office come and stand around your desk and make you eat some fucking cake so he goes and buys some cake and tells everyone so come and stand round your desk. Dave isn't in today though and no one has mentioned the birthday thing so I might get away with it > but of course - facebook exists - so maybemaybeMAYBE someone else will have taken up the mantle in his absence omgomgomg fingers crossed > I can hardly contain my apathy.

The other thing about birthdays is you get to go out, get really drunk and make everyone fully aware that you are the centre of attention - but I do that about three nights out of seven anyway - so not really a super-killer USP.

ho hum what a miserable cunt - ho ho > it's just for fun you know - not real misery.

ANYWAY > in other more important news I am ranked 7th out of thirty million on Google for worst blog ever - because of the plumber's tap worst blog ever post and me consequently writing worst blog ever in the site title - I wonder if i can get to number fucking one with some links? I don't think the competition is very hot - if you link to my blog in your blogroll or whatever and wanted to help me in my vanity project - you could put 'worst blog ever' in the text or title of the link - nice one > oh  > that would be good and nice birthday present from you - thanks everso x

...for ease - here is the code:

<a href="http://www.sinktherock.org" title="worst blog ever - Sink the Rock">Sink the Rock - worst blog ever</a>

P.S. thanks for all the social media birthday wishes