So I moved house

So I moved house, left the Frat House on Brodia Road and all my fraternity brothers behind to live like a grown up accepting responsibility for my own utility bills, washing up and missing socks, finally making an honest cat of Janet. She is, of course, here too, ending her days making a cuckold of me by purring on Corpsey’s lap while he ‘works from home’ or slutting it up on Adam’s bed while I drunkenly cry myself to sleep.

In between me viewing the property and moving in the landlords moved the walls making all the rooms in the flat approximately two feet smaller in all directions. They also interestingly put a shit old cooker in the kitchen three inches in front of one of the largest cupboards. Presumably I am supposed to keep spaghetti in there as that is the only thing I could possibly get out of the fucking gap – and only one portion at a time – which is convenient now I only cook for one.

I also very cleverly told the letting agents that I didn’t want them to supply me with a sofa or any tables or chairs as they looked like people of questionable taste. Consequently I was living here almost a week before I even got round to borrowing a chair from my sister so all I have been able to do in my new place is stand to attention surrounded by boxes of random old bollocks that I don’t know what to do with and a vast amount of over packaging from all the pots, pans, plates and shit that I had to buy. Luckily the majority of this time I spent drunk or elsewhere.

Janet  has been demonstrating her appreciation of our new flat through the medium of ‘dirty protest’ – the first was nicely assembled in a towel I was using as a stand-in bath mat which resulted in me doing a big cartoon nudey grapple with the shower curtain as I was getting out the shower in an attempt not to stamp my niceandclean bare feet right in it - then two days later on the actual white bath mat I had bought (it really tied the room together).

Anyway I just gave Janet her flea treatment and now she is looking at me like I shat on her carpet.