What I done at the weekend by Crispin Read

On Friday i did finish work well early at like 10 seconds past five and I ran out of the office well quick because i knew I had to get home IMMEDIATELY and eat a pizza but I couldn't get home as fast as I liked because my bike is smashed to pieces from an accident with a taxicab so I had to get the bus with all the moody business people and their london lites and their double seat envy frenzy and teh bus was extra rubbish because the men had dug up all the road and made the bus go as slower even than if i had walked and I wanted to get off and run home but it was raining a bit so i didn't I stayed on the bus and listened to HEAVY METAL pon my iBob until I got home and then put a massive pizza in the oven with some anchovies and some extra cheese on it but I hadn't heated the oven up first so it was taking well ages and when it was done before i could even eat one slice my sister phones me up to tell me not to eat any pizza at all becaus i have to go and play badminton with her in 15 minutes and if i eat a pizza i will most probably do a sick on the court or somewhere in the sports centre but i ate like two slices anyway because she is my sister and not my mum right and then i went to play badminton at the sports centre and i won 3 games out of 5 because I RULE and then we went back to her house to have tea but she took so long to make the tea that i had to go to Matt's house before it was ready because I had to meet everyone before we went to A RAVE so I got dressed up in WELL SAFE clothes and put some face paint on my face and then I had two cans of larger for my tea and got on the bus to Angel where the rave was but we went to the pub first because there was not many people in the queue. After we had done loads of RAVING and drunk too many BEERS we went back to Matts house and shouted at each other and played music too loud until all of a sudden it was time to go home and eat some breakfast and have a shower and brush my teeth 10 times and pretend i had not been up all night because i had to go and meet this lady and look round this flat she wanted me to buy and Wicker came with me to see if she wanted to buy some of this flat as well but when we got there all the flats were like in a prison complex from a film about space where space aliens are keeping humans in a prison or A ZOO but we didn't tell the woman this in case she was a space alien IN REAL LIFE so we looked at the flat and then at another flat and then we were polite to the woman for about 15 seconds and then we told her that it was't going to work and went to the pub and on the way we met emma and flo and ange so we had a coffee with them and Mr Duffy and then we went to the pub beer garden and played hide and seek with flo and also jumping all over the tables (flo not me) after a while i started to wish that i was having a sleep so we went to another pub for just one more beer and then i went home and on the way i went to KFC and got a KFC and it smelt like margerine and salt but I took it home anyway and put it on a plate because i am POSH but i didn't use a knife and fork because that would be STUPID and i took my KFC on a plate to bed with me and i et it whist I watched the last episode of Battlestar Galactica season2 which was AWESOME and then i went to sleep until the morning but when I woke up fresh as a ddaisy it was not the morning but 11:30 at night and I was WIDE AWAKE so I watched the first episode of Battlestar Galactica season 3 and then more battlestar Galactica Season 3 until I fell asleep again at about 5 in the morning or something. When i woke up it was like 10:30 or so and I realised that there was enough time to watch all 25 episodes in the remainder of this 24 hour period so I did and then i went to sleep again and then it was time to go to work on Monday morning...