art

so this is an email exchange between me and my top showbiz buddy Nikesh 'Yamboy' Shukla (also of Geekpie fame) - I have posted it as it is a social commetary of worth ~ and it has the word cunt in it a lot:

Subject: did you see me?

Nikesh: I ran past you twice in hoxton square yesterday (was with my running club) and couldn't get your attention.

Crispin: haha no mate sorry - were you too puffed out to shout?
- i was probs being enthralled by all the MAGA ART types with all their big moustaches and their hair combed forwards and their wearing of their mum's old blouses as jackets - my favourite one was dressed like jeremy beadle disgiused as a ski instructer from 1982. did you see them?

Nikesh: it was a calcutta black hole of cunts... they were all jeering at us as we ran past and i thought, 'i may be wearing lycra but you look like a cunt.'
What was it? There always seem to be a party on tuesday there. We have the same experience as we all start with a warmup run around hoxton sq.

Crispin: it was the opening of the new show at the white cube > it is always a bit cunty at the openings, well only slightly more cunty than poxton sq is usually I spose, but that one was one of the cuntiest that i have attended - are you going to stag and dagger tonight? i expect that will be a bit of a cuntfest as well...

Nikesh: no- no one on the bill i'm desperate to see or couldn't see every other week in hoxbitch anyway.
plus i gots a book to rewrite!

---- ends

Interestingly >  cunt, cunts, cunty and cuntiest came up in spell check but cuntfest did not.

- now back to work you cunts x

oh I forgot to publish this one last week >>

so I went to the opening of the new show at the white cube last night > i go to just about every opening there because I AM WELL ART (and they give you free booze). Again, I accidentally forgot to go and look at the art but Emma said it was a bit shit so i don't feel that duped > ALTHOUGH on the other hand J said there was ladies bare naked tits in a couple of the paintings...

Then we all piled in 'The Bear' - Dunc's van and bombed back up to N16 for the quiz night at the Nobody Inn > I fuckin love quiz nights right. everyone gets a bit excited, there is the team that always win and are mega competitive and the quiet but knowledgeable teams and the teams of pissed people shouting and the teams of people who know nothing but are really excited to be there. Often this entire dinamic can be reduced and replicated in the remaining teams - does that make sense? does it ? whatever - i know what i am talking about.

So yeah quiz was well good fun Ox was so excited about the picture round (name the sitcom from a picture of the cast) he messed up 3 answer papers before he was forced to give up the scribe duties to Rindsey, when we did the marking Dunc changed the competitive team's name from the Brainiacs to the Brainysacks so taht is what the quiz lady read out when they won and we all LAUGHED IN THE FACE OF THEIR VICTORY. We came second because we are well cleverz but not going to bitch whinge at people who don't think akapsi deserves a mark when the answer was okapi. ANYWAY Jamie chose our prize and spurned the expensive prizes of wine etc for a packet of minstrels which was quite expensive at £8 entrance fee but made second place glory taste all the sweeter, although i dislike minstrals as they taste a little bit like oversize margerine smarties.

QUIZLORDZ

> in other news I have set up that facebook group for people who are genuinely interested in getting the phrase 'Girls Aloud' into common parlance as an exclamation.  e.g.

"Don't forget the vicar is coming round for tea in a minute"
"GIRLS ALOUD, I better tidy away my grumble flicks and Jazz mags"

it's right here should you want to join:

http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=83243206270&ref=nf

- i got like 7 people already and i only invited Wicker and Bernard

I like to look at art like I am looking at something very small that most people can only see with a visual aid. I like to maintain an uncomfortable pose bent from the hip with my mouth in my hand as if I am holding in the secret. I like to withdraw too fast for them to escape and make an offhand comment to a fellow enthusiast, one that will wobble them - 'My God, it looks like someone had a breakdown in Ikea' or 'I don't think I can cope with all this rage - do you have any heroin?' or 'hmmmmm... it's a little bit like being raped isn't it?'.

once I went to see some ART and they had an ART film on in a special blacked out room, when I arrived the film had just started and everyone was in the pitch black

the lady in charge said to me there are some seats over there >>
and did a gesture into the darkness with her torch
and then left me there in the dark, in the middle of the pitch black room with ART people on chairs all around me
tutting
because i was in the way
i cried

and my mum had to come and pick me up