I have actual flu ~ 'ACTUAL' FLU.
Not 'really just a cold' flu or 'actually a hangover' flu or 'just couldn't be arsed to go to work ' flu, actual flu. Actual flu is different from other types of flu in that a doctor tells you that you have it and gives you a prescription for antibiotics (even though flu is a virus and anti-biotics fight infection he is a doctor and he knows about these things - something to do with lungs and sinuses). It also differs from the common cold in that you can't just self medicate with booze to get rid of it.
For clarity here are the symptoms of actual flu:
- refusal to believe you are ill when everyone tells you you look like you are in a black and white film
- insatiable desire for sweet things and mini chedders
- loss of appetite at your girlfriend's special birthday tea
- massive hacking cough like a deathbed Victorian TB sufferer
- every so often sweating like a fat person eating a curry in a sauna
- 50% hot so hot sooo hot you must be nudie immediately (or keep pants on for decorum)
- 50% cold so cold sooo coold - where are my fucking clothes? give me back my clothes
I like my doctor - he said god had blessed me with very good health because I hadn't been to the doctors for 9 years or something - I had to tell him that actually I had paid a few visits to various A&E departments during that time ~ predominantly at our local Hommerton University Hospital, and a few times to the sexily transmitted diseases clinic - and that I had actually been to his surgery a couple of times for tetanus jabs ~ he assured me i was still blessed.
bless up doc
Incidentally last time i went for a tetanus jab nursey told me that I have had so many tetanus jabs now that i don't ever need to have another one even if I am bitten by a rusty robot dog with big dirty old 6 inch nails for teeth. Howaboutthatthen?
