Emma

oh I forgot to publish this one last week >>

so I went to the opening of the new show at the white cube last night > i go to just about every opening there because I AM WELL ART (and they give you free booze). Again, I accidentally forgot to go and look at the art but Emma said it was a bit shit so i don't feel that duped > ALTHOUGH on the other hand J said there was ladies bare naked tits in a couple of the paintings...

Then we all piled in 'The Bear' - Dunc's van and bombed back up to N16 for the quiz night at the Nobody Inn > I fuckin love quiz nights right. everyone gets a bit excited, there is the team that always win and are mega competitive and the quiet but knowledgeable teams and the teams of pissed people shouting and the teams of people who know nothing but are really excited to be there. Often this entire dinamic can be reduced and replicated in the remaining teams - does that make sense? does it ? whatever - i know what i am talking about.

So yeah quiz was well good fun Ox was so excited about the picture round (name the sitcom from a picture of the cast) he messed up 3 answer papers before he was forced to give up the scribe duties to Rindsey, when we did the marking Dunc changed the competitive team's name from the Brainiacs to the Brainysacks so taht is what the quiz lady read out when they won and we all LAUGHED IN THE FACE OF THEIR VICTORY. We came second because we are well cleverz but not going to bitch whinge at people who don't think akapsi deserves a mark when the answer was okapi. ANYWAY Jamie chose our prize and spurned the expensive prizes of wine etc for a packet of minstrels which was quite expensive at £8 entrance fee but made second place glory taste all the sweeter, although i dislike minstrals as they taste a little bit like oversize margerine smarties.

QUIZLORDZ

> in other news I have set up that facebook group for people who are genuinely interested in getting the phrase 'Girls Aloud' into common parlance as an exclamation.  e.g.

"Don't forget the vicar is coming round for tea in a minute"
"GIRLS ALOUD, I better tidy away my grumble flicks and Jazz mags"

it's right here should you want to join:

http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=83243206270&ref=nf

- i got like 7 people already and i only invited Wicker and Bernard

Today was to be a pivotal day in my life. A mixed up irresponsible oik yesterday and bastion of stability tomorrow. This was to be achieved by taking a day off work and doing all the boring grown-up bollocks I need to do in one day. I had the whole thing planned out:

• 9 o’clock – Take Janit to the vets for anti-fleas jab before she got fleas again;
• 10 o’clock – go to the hospital and get a new proper fitting cast for my broken arm so it mends properly;
• 12 o’clock – Get Back home and phone:
• HMCE about the fines I owe them before I am arrested
• British Gas about the 3 grand they decided to direct debit out of my account in Feb (the cunts)
• Claim on my holiday insurance for the two grands worth of stuff I had nicked in Jan
• Half 2 – go to the dentist get my teeth super cleaned;
• 3 o’clock – back home – tea, biscuits, and a bit of working from home - smug as the bloke from Razorlight showing Chris Martin a picture of Kirsten Dunst’s tits on his mobile

However, in real life it went down like this...

Everyone else went to work really early so I had to try and get Janit into her carry case by myself. With one arm. Needless to say she was having absolutely fucking none of it and made short work of evading capture while I tried to spoon her up with one hand. Eventually she felt sorry for me and let me catch her - whereupon she became a liquid magnetically repelled by the cat box and to shoehorn her in there would have defied the laws of physics. I phoned the vets and told them I would book another appointment when I have two arms.

Called for Emma and Flo to walk down to Hommerton with me. It was proper throwing it down so we stopped for a cup of tea at Emma’s and then coffee and a bite at a café half way. By the time I got to the hospital it had gone noon and the plastercast guy said that he couldn’t see me until two as the other doctor was off sick (physician heal thyfuckinself). That was too late for me so I headed to the dentists.

At the dentist I had a 'Deep Clean’

...which entailed the cunt getting a hypodeemic nerdal the size of a large sword and stabbing me all over the face with it while I feebly tried to escape his evil lab and him then holding me down and firing what I can only deem was some sort of white noise laser pain inflictor all over my teeth for the best part of half an hour.

I left my keys at Emma’s so I had to do a half hour or so of walking about the streets poking the unflinching look of fat disbelief that is my face and drooling blood all over myself before I could get back home and sulk. I cant sulk properly either because cant speak to anyone as I sound like Sloth out of the Goonies.

I still can't feel my nose.