janet

Dear Janet

Please find enclosed two pictures for your attention:

Picture A is a mouse (Mus musculus)

Picture B is a human big toe (mine)

I am providing these as a resource for you to keep, please feel free to refer to the pictures at any time, in particular the sort of time you feel like putting your claws into something.

I have labelled the pictures

• A – Acceptable
• B – Unacceptable.

I hope this helps

Love from

Dear Janet

Please refrain from jumping on the bed if I am reading or have just read a ghost story. It is by no manner funny and exposes a dark underbelly of your personality as you rejoice in the fear of another. Also, it means that I do not sleep well and consequently get up late so you have to wait longer for your breakfast.

love from

Crispin

Dear Janet

I think it is a shame that you run away and hide when I return home really drunk with half the pub in tow. I can assure you that they are all stirling fellows who would be charmed, I'm sure, with your presence. You might learn a thing or two from our eloquent discourse and witty banter that, if a little loud, is always of the caliber usually reserved for radio 4. I look foward to introducing you at the next occurance of this impromptu soirée.

love from

Crispin

Dear Janet

Why don't you at least have a go at killing a fly? Yesterday i watched you for some time and drew the conclusion that it is beyond your capabilities to kill something just by glaring at it and changing the shape of your pupils. I would be grateful if you would put a lit;e more practice into this particular aspect of 'cat' or I might have to reconsider your position of executive in charge of executions (insect and rodent division).

Kind Regards

Crispin

Last night I found an old notebook of mine - It contains a series of letters I wrote to my cat, Janit (sometimes she is also called Janet, sometimes Jane and occasionally Juanita) she is black and white and lazy and fat. These letters were written in a time before she was 'space hopper fat' as she is now but was already displaying signs of acute laziness and nonchalance, back around the turn of the millennia.