cooker

Dear Janet

You are a Cat. Your enemy is The Mouse (I have enclosed a picture for your reference). To my knowledge there are currently two mice behind the cooker. I would be most grateful if you would kill them before they have a chance to procreate.

Love from

Crispin

Dear Janit,

Just because I leave my room it doesn't mean that you are going to be fed - you must try and find some other interests in your life beyond food or risk treading the path to a tubby malcontent who can only find solace in biscuits. Maybe you wouldn't be so bored if you caught some mice instead of sitting about looking at the cooker all day like a big lazy sack of whirring unconditional indifference.

Love from Crispin x

P.S. I am writing with concern and only have your well being at heart, I thought that my being blunt would be the most effective way to offer some constructive advice.