cat

so I was just singing to Janet and a well good poem came out of my mouth - it goes like this...

Jane Jane Jane Jane

what the fuck goes on in your brain?

you cant speak no English

I can't speak no cat

what sort of a basis for friendship is that?

...

You have to sing it in Steve Tyler's voice

Dear Janet

Exercise is not a swear word

Love from Crispin

Dear Janet

You are a Cat. Your enemy is The Mouse (I have enclosed a picture for your reference). To my knowledge there are currently two mice behind the cooker. I would be most grateful if you would kill them before they have a chance to procreate.

Love from

Crispin

Dear Janet

I feel that there are certain aspects of 'Cat' that could be improved. This is not a personal jibe at you in particular, more of a casual observance of your species as a whole. I am referring, in particular, to time management. I realise that the domestic cat is a beast of leisure but I am pained to point out that it really has gone too far. When you can't think of anything to do (which I add in your case is becoming increasingly often) don't just sit there and look at the wall, read a book or watch some telly at least - or something.

love from

Crispin