poo

Dear Janit

I have it on good authority that while i was away last week you were caught thre times by Wicker 'Baking Brownies' on the living room rug. Now these dirty protests MUST STOP. You are not in prison, you are not maltreated, you are not a rescue cat, you have a litter box and it is always clean.

I am at my wits end and furious beyond measure. I swear, as God is my witness, if you drop tuppence on the rug one more time i shall shave your tail and put your toys in the cupboard forever.

I strongly advise you to take heed as this truly is your final warning.

Dear Janet

I fail to comprehend why you have begun spending tuppence in the pot of the rubber plant. This is the wrong way to go about attention seeking – if you really need more love and attention than you already receive I would suggest that you do something endearing or droll and not perform any further acts of dirty protest which I find frankly abhorrent.

Come on girl – shape up.

Yours truly,
Crispin