Dear Janet
I would like to point out that sometimes when you think I am asleep I am not. I can clearly hear you getting up to all sorts of naughtiness such as eating my plants and using my speakers as scratching posts.
I have been compiling a dossier on your actions and we will discuss the ways in which you can recompense at a later date.
Regards
Crispin
P.S. I dread to think what you get up to when we are at work.